Tantrums Health Article

Tantrums

Also called temper tantrums.

In young children, an episode of extreme anger and frustration characterized by crying, screaming, and violent body motions, including throwing things, falling to the floor, and banging one's head, hands, and feet against the floor.

Tantrums, which can occur by the age of 15 months, are most frequent between the ages of 1½ and 3. Every child has them at some point, and active, strong-willed youngsters may have as many as one or two a week. Generally, tantrums are primarily an expression of loss of control rather than an attempt at manipulation (although the latter can also be involved).

Two-year-olds are at a stage of development fraught with frustration. They have not acquired the verbal skills necessary to adequately express their emotions or even, in many situations, to make themselves understood. In addition, they can only use words to demand what they want, not to negotiate for it. They love to explore, but often they don't understand which places or objects are off limits and get scolded as a result. Although they are developing rapidly, they still lack the motor skills to do many things they would like to. They want to be independent but still require continued supervision and assistance, and their preferences are often ignored or refused by their caregivers. There is also a great deal of ambivalence and indecision associated with this stage of life, meaning that there is internal conflict as well as tension between the toddler and her environment. A tantrum occurs because the small child, who is still learning to cope with her feelings, is simply unable to contain strong emotions of anger, frustration, or disappointment. In some cases, children are actively discouraged from showing these feelings, which creates even more tension.

Aside from taking any measures needed to prevent danger to the child, a parent should ignore the tantrum and let it run its course. If the upset has occurred over something the child wants and has been denied, it is tempting to give in to her wishes, but this can be harmful because it teaches her that she can get what she wants by having a tantrum. Tantrums are especially unsettling for parents when they occur in a public place, which is frequently the case. Children become overstimulated more easily in busy public spaces such as the supermarket or mall and may also use the tantrum as an attempt to regain parental attention that is focused elsewhere. In spite of their embarrassment, parents should treat a public tantrum in essentially the same way they treat one at home. Whenever possible, they should remove the child to the car or some other private space to avoid inconveniencing others and attracting any more unwelcome attention, after which they should ignore the tantrum and let it run its course.

While a parent cannot stop tantrums once they are in progress, it is sometimes possible to prevent them by being alert to certain danger signs, especially fatigue and irritability, and changing plans to give the child a needed rest or change of scene. For example, a child who is getting cranky at a party or other event at which the parent is present can be taken home early. The archetypal shopping tantrum over the candy bar at the checkout counter or the elaborate toy can sometimes be countered by proposing an alternative treat or purchase instead of the flat denial that sends the child into a tantrum. Emotional upsets that occur when children are left with a babysitter or at daycare can be alleviated by preparing the child in advance for the separation and having her become familiar with the babysitter or daycare setting ahead of time. Keeping walking trips short can prevent tantrums over a child's demand to be carried.